NZ Music Month

The emotive joy of music

Some memories don’t fade. You know the ones—no matter how many years pass, they still feel like they happened yesterday.

For me, one of those moments goes all the way back to 1983. (Mary’s note – the year I was born, lol.)

I’d just started high school and was living that strange in-between stage—part confidence, part full-blown teenage angst. I felt great when I was in my comfort zone… and completely out of place when I wasn’t.

Around that time, I started going along to a youth group my older brother and sister had loved. They’d had a great experience. Me? Not so much—at least not at first.

I felt like a fish out of water.

Most of the other kids went to a different school. A lot of them smoked (the “cool” ones anyway). I didn’t—well, not regularly. There were about 30 of us sitting in a room one night when the leaders decided we’d go around and share our favourite song.

Simple enough, right?

Except suddenly, it wasn’t.

I knew my favourite song… but was it cool enough? Was I even right about who sang it? What if I got it wrong?

They started on the other side of the room. One by one, songs were shared. Artists confidently named. And as it got closer to my turn, the panic started to creep in.

Do I play it safe? Say something someone else has already said?

I could feel the heat rising in my face. A bead of sweat formed on my forehead… and then started to run.

“Please,” I remember thinking, “let someone else say my song.”

Three to go.
Two to go.
One to go.
No luck.

Suddenly, it was me. All eyes in the room.

My heart was pounding. I wasn’t even sure my voice would work.

“…Outlook for Thursday,” I managed to say.

There was a pause—and then, relief. Nods. Smiles. Acceptance.

“DD Smash!” someone called out.

Phew. At least I got the artist right.

I’ve never forgotten that moment. The swing from total fear to complete relief happened in seconds, but it felt like a lifetime.

Looking back now, at 56, I can laugh and think, who really cares what songs I like? But as a 13-year-old, it mattered—a lot.

The funny thing is, I still love that song. Always have. Always will.

And every time I hear it, I’m right back in that lounge with 30 other teenagers, learning a lesson that’s stuck with me ever since: your taste is yours. Own it. Even if it feels risky, it’s better to be true to yourself than to blend into the crowd.

It didn’t magically take away the angst—but it did teach me to be a little braver.

Make it personal

These days, working as a funeral director, I see that same idea come up in a very different way.

One of the questions families often ask is: what music is appropriate for a funeral?

My answer is always the same—make it personal.

What did your loved one enjoy? Let’s play that. Is there a song that instantly reminds you of them? Let’s include it.

People sometimes worry about whether a song is “right” or “appropriate.” And yes, that matters to an extent—music can shape the tone of a service. But more importantly, it should reflect the person being remembered.

I once led a service where the casket was carried out to “Highway to Hell” by AC/DC.

To some, that might seem inappropriate—maybe even a bit shocking. But for that man’s family and friends, it was perfect.

He was a lifelong rock fan. Always wore black. Never missed an AC/DC concert in New Zealand. That song wasn’t offensive—it was him. And as it played, it brought smiles, laughter, and a sense of connection. It told his story in a way words couldn’t.

NZ Music Month – our Top 5 Favs

With May being NZ Music Month, it’s always great to see families choosing local music for services.

It got me thinking about our favourites—and the stories behind them.

Stu

We’ve already covered Outlook for Thursday.

Then there’s “I Got You” by Split Enz. I was still at primary school when that came out, and while I’d heard New Zealand music before, this was the first time I really registered a band as being Kiwi. They were quirky, a bit weird, painted their faces—and I loved it.

Next up was “Hold Me Now” by the Thompson Twins. That steady bassline hooked me. It shaped a lot of the music I’d later get into—and even inspired me to pick up the bass guitar myself (admittedly, at a pretty basic level).

I’ve always had a soft spot for The Exponents too. While “Victoria” is up there, my favourite is “Why Does Love Do This to Me?” If you’ve ever been in a packed stadium in New Zealand, you’ll know the feeling—everyone singing at the top of their lungs. Pure magic.

And finally, “Light Surrounding You” by Evermore. Three brothers from the Manawatū making it big—it’s hard not to feel proud of that. But more than that, the lyrics take me right back to that anxious night in 1983:

“Cause I see the light surrounding you… don’t be afraid of something new…”

That song captures exactly what I was feeling back then—fear, uncertainty, and the quiet encouragement to just be yourself.

Mary

Both my parents were professional musicians and my partner is a musician, too. And yet I’m not really that big of a music guy (although I usually have an opinion on lyrics). My response to music tends to be instinctive and not terribly well-informed.

That said, when Stu asked me to list my top five Kiwi tracks, I popped into a playlist on my phone and whipped up five very quickly. Think too hard about it, and I wouldn’t be able to choose. Because it turns out there are lots of Kiwi numbers that I love. Not given lightly by Chris Knox, is a good representative of how I pick a favourite. It’s simple, it’s heartfelt, it’s born of the everyday. Nothing juvenile or saccharine; it’s a love song that for me stands out in an over-crowded landscape.

As the line goes from Terry Pratchett’s Soul Music: “It’s got a beat and you can dance to it.” Despite being a tentative dancer, I do always want a nice, clear, ideally kinda frenzied beat. And if there’s a “la da de dah” to sing along to, so much the better! So my next choice is Counting the beat by The Swingers.

And coming in alongside, cheek by jowl, is of course Slice of Heaven by Dave Dobbyn & the Herbs. As this Instagram reel shows, Slice is basically coded into Kiwi DNA.

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by domdolla💿.jpg (@domdolla)

I’ve never been one for crowds and I’ve only rarely enjoyed myself at a concert. However, there are two songs I’ve selected as Top 5 Favs due to their live renditions. The first is Six Months in a Leaky Boat by Split Enz, as sung by Matt Hutton and accompanied by Hihi & The Stitchbirds.

It’s a great song, and I know I’m biased, but I love my partner Matt’s rendition. He has a beautiful, clear, strong tenor voice and a calm on-stage presence paired with a cheeky percussionist’s joy in getting the crowd to clap along.

The other live banger is Family Expert, an original song by Hihi & The Stitchbirds. Hihi’s my favourite band and this is my fav from their debut album. It’s funny, it’s catchy, you can sing along (and I always, always do) and when an audience hears it for the first time you can hear the delight as they catch the refrain. Roll up, roll up!

So, are any of these songs suitable for a funeral?

Absolutely—if they meant something to the person being remembered.

That’s really what it comes down to.

Music has a powerful way of telling stories, bringing back memories, and helping people feel connected—sometimes all at once. Whether it’s something classic, something unexpected, or something deeply personal, the right song can make a moment unforgettable.

So if you’re choosing music for a farewell, don’t overthink what’s “right.”

Think about what’s real.

And if you’re not sure where to start—well, that’s where we come in.

At Wellington City Funerals, we’ve got you.